Lets face it we all know this! But how many of us actually really take it into account when dealing with each other? It’s so hard to think as someone else would, particularly when it seems completely alien, and we cannot imagine or even rationalise it. I once heard a male friend describe women as ‘complex bits of kit’, which somehow felt like a compliment! I have also heard female friends describe men as ‘simple’ in the fondest terms.
I am personally fascinated by the differences and the challenge of recognising and working with those differences in order to build positive relationships. My number one rule, which I do my utmost to stick to, is never to expect or assume that men would think like women or vice versa.
Take for instance the way we tend to solve problems. My team consists of a number of men and women, all equally capable of solving the many problems we have. Both seem to desire the same outcome when faced with a problem. But I notice that the guys have a different approach. They seem totally focused on the problem and an opportunity to prove themselves by finding an effective solution, sometimes to the point of completely ignoring the impact on the relationships involved. They also seem to divide up the tasks and operate with a chain of command. The women on the other hand tend to view solving a problem as a group activity and an opportunity to strengthen relationships. Their concern for the impact on relationships seeks for greater understanding. I have not observed any difference however, in the quality of solutions reached. The challenge seems to come when men and women are problem solving together. I can immediately see the potential for conflict if a lack of understanding prevails.
I have also observed that men tend to have a fantastic ability to think of one thing at a time (I wish I could do that!). Things seem to be approached in a sequential manner. I and most of the women I know can sometimes seem to be overwhelmed by thinking of everything at once! Another major observation is the way in which men and women recall and remember events. Ask a guy about an event and he seems to describe the elements, tasks and activities that took place. Ask a woman and you tend to get a description of the event relating to how it made her feel. Also have you ever noticed how much men like to do ‘stuff’ together? Take for instance three men walking onto a lawn with a football on it. What happens? They automatically start kicking it around and competing with a greater or lesser degree of good humour. Women on the other hand seem to bond by talking it to death! Have you ever noticed too, how men often hate to spend time talking about it?
I could go on and on and much humour revolves around the subject. What concerns me is how much we focus on the problems rather than the solutions with managing the differences between the sexes. My passion is for developing strategies for men and women working together and using their differences to produce amazing outcomes. My current project focuses on helping women project focuses on helping women succeed in a male dominated environment. It starts by truly understanding the differences and the impact on each other. I have then developed ‘7 Golden Rules’ with 35 key steps for women to build effective working relationships with men which allows those women to thrive and flourish.
I view this as a study which will keep me busy for years. My book and online course makes a start in September 2009 and in the meantime I will continue to enjoy the differences!
