I am told I have great confidence. As I live in my own skin it’s difficult to really know what people mean by this. I believe I have the same anxieties and concerns as most other people.
Is confidence an absence of the display of such anxieties and concerns in ones behaviour or is confidence a complete absence of those concerns altogether? Or is confidence the absence of a need of approval from others? Is it this combined with a positive energy for taking certain attitudes? Is it simply belief in ones abilities and opinions?
My fundamental approach with almost everything I do is to start by asking myself – what is the worst thing that can happen?
Once I have answered that, my second question is – can I handle that?
My third question is – what is the likelihood of that happening?
If the three answers add up I take action!
This is pretty much my approach to everything I do. Of course this internal process is pre-emptied by me asking myself – what is the best thing that can happen? If the answer to this first is not appealing enough, there is no need to ask the following three questions.
Think about being asked to make a presentation to 500 people and this happens to be something you are very under confident about. Follow this process:
- Best outcome: It’s a complete success and I get huge applause and recognition and feel fantastic.
- Worst outcome: The audience boos and throws things at me and I am asked to stop.
- Likelihood of ‘2’ ?: Extremely unlikely
- What will I do if ‘2’ occurs? : Leave and feel humiliated
- How will I avoid ‘2’? : I will put my presentation together and seek feedback; I will then rehearse until it is right.
For me success is more often than not, a question of repetition. It’s not a magic formula but a combination of determination, resilience and being prepared to try different things. Life is too short to be under confident or concerned with failure. We all fail in all areas of our lives. I believe it’s our attitude to failure that determines whether we are successful. I have found that if I expect failure then I am likely to get it. So I expect success, but don’t always get that. So the challenge becomes – what I do when I get the failure that I did not expect. This is where the resilience and repetition comes in. It’s not a question whether I do it again; it’s a question of how I do it again? If I give up I am guaranteed nothing
Another question to consider, how much failure can a person take? The answer depends on how much I want the success.
Failure is interesting and puts me one step closer to success. I look back over my time, and my life is filled with failure. However it’s the successes that count and although the ratio of failure to success is greater, the failures pale into insignificance in comparison with the successes which I choose to focus on.
